Lists

Beverages:

1. Latte

2. Smoothie

3. Apricot juice

4. Vodka martini with hardly any vermouth and small olives

5. Red wine from Spain

6. Earl Grey tea with milk

7. Any herbal tea without that hibiscus shit

Things that are inconsistent:

1. The double standards I have in relationships.

2. How I usually want two or three different drinks all at once, like "I want a coffee, but also a smoothie and also juice" or "I feel like a beer but I also want some green tea" or "I want a martini but I'd also like a big glass of red wine or maybe a big frozen bellini thing". This isn't really inconsistent, but it's consistently irritating.

3. The way everything is so inconsistent.

Things that might be embarrassing:

1. I like John Mayer.

2. All my STDs.

3. When I pronounced the word "leper" like "leaper" and the other 12 year-olds taunted me.

4. The pimple on my back I can't reach.

5. When somebody asks me a question and for some reason (embarrassment, error, trying to please them somehow, mishearing them) I say something that's a total lie, and then stand there, horrified, thinking why did I just say that, that's completely untrue, but don't retract it.

Places to live:

1. Barcelona

2. New York City

3. The Bush

4. Montreal

5. New Orleans

6. Whitehorse

Places to visit:

1. Tangiers

Things I like this morning:

1. Bella's ears

2. That line in the song "Pimp Juice" where he says, "You really want to put your feet on my rug, don't you?"

3. Non-celebrity celebrity interviews in old issues of K Composite magazine

4. Kissing

5. Ducks: the word, the quack, the animal, and the way my friend from Yorkshire said it, like "dooks"

6. The Meters

Names my friends and I have for some people in this town:

1. "Chunky Cute"

2. "Volatile Mullet Man"

3. "Lady-pants Dance Man"

4. "The Flirtatious Loiterer"

Sauces:

1. Worcestershire sauce

2. HP sauce

3. Gravy

4. Hollandaise sauce

6. Teriyaki

7. Wasabi and shoyu